Brownlow 14: Boom Crash Opera Open Proceedings.

Gillon McLaughin' after his player final pronunciation class yesterday.

Yes. Boom Crash Opera. Not Timberlake. Not Robbie Williams. Not Aussie hip hop. Boom Crash Opera, standing together in an awkward pile, playing in front of a montage. This is entertainment, folks.

This is Gillon's first footy's night of nights. From now on I'm calling Gillon McLaughin' Hymie.

Round 1. My tagine is ready. Votes have started and my wife has said, "I can't believe this is televised," for the first time tonight. She'll say it at least 18 more times.

Selwood got votes. So did Gary Jr. Hymie is reading too fast.

Ad break and tagine break.